Brand chronicles events both on and off the pitch as he travels between Upton Park and Hollywood. In his literary riffings‚ football legends and newfound heroes brush shoulders with a pantheon of cultural icons. Matches are won and lost‚ Brand's faith in his beloved West Ham tested‚ while the palette of company he keeps stretches from Morrissey to Gallagher to Gascoigne and back again.
Managerial manoeuvres at Wigan are discussed in reference to Joe Orton and the mysteries of the souks. The departure of Mourinho sparks reminisces of the shapely arse of a previous girlfriend. Love blossoms in the unlikely form of Paolo DiCanio. Arsenal's fluidity and purpose brings to mind yogic coitus of Sting and Trudie Styler. And the fate of his beloved West Ham is seen in parallel with the workings of his legendary libido.