From Oedipus: PARTY IN THEBES!!! Nobody cares I killed that old dude, plus this woman is all over me. Total MILF.
From Paradise Lost: OH MY GOD I'M IN HELL.
Perhaps you once asked yourself, 'What exactly is Hamlet trying to tell me? Why must he mince his words, muse in lyricism and, in short, whack about the shrub?' No doubt such questions would have been swiftly resolved were the Prince of Denmark a registered user on Twitter.com. This, in essence, is Twitterature.
From Hamlet: WTF IS POLONIUS DOING BEHIND THE CURTAIN???
Here are over 60 of the greatest works of literature - from Beowulf to Bronte, Kafka to Kerouac, Dostoevsky to Dickens - distilled in the voice of Twitter to their pithiest essence, providing everything you need to master the literature of the civilised world, while relieving you of the task of reading it.
From Dante's Inferno: I'm havin a midlife crisis. Lost in the woods. Shoulda brought my iPhone.