Simon Jordan doesn't mince his words. After making million in mobile phones he decided to buy his boyhood club, Crystal Palace. At 31, he became the youngest chairman ever. He was also the most outspoken, announcing at his first Palace press conference: 'I don't give a **** about football protocol.' Football is a notoriously murky world: overpriced players, dodgy transfers, top-level corruption. Of course, the establishment always closes rank and those at the top stay quiet. But Jordan doesn't do quiet. And now, for the first time, he lifts the lid on what really goes on behind the scenes in football. With his year-round tan Jordan may be a 'marmite' figure, but love him or hate him his story is a revelation. Every fan dreams of owning their own club. As a boy Simon would break into the Palace grounds, where his dad once played, for a kick-about with his brother. And Simon's love for Palace remains undimmed to this day. But his owner's tale is a hair-raising story of desire and whimsy, success and disaster. It's a reminder to any fan - be careful what you wish for.