What did you have for breakfast? Was it pure enough? Did it set you up for a day of grace, positive intentions and bum-selfies that would make a teenager weep?
If not, Elle Campbell is here to help. She once led an army of ab-tastic, aspirational mums, but after a blistering public shaming she's reinvented herself as a mountain-top model of serenity with a new band of followers - the Elle-ness Warriors.
Elle presides over an exclusive retreat where women pay thousands to mimic her extreme lifestyle, or die trying. But who's bankrolling Elle's new empire? And why are her two tiny sons suddenly absent from her glossy public image?
Abi Black is blogging about her chaotic blended family from her falling-down farmhouse, trying to keep it together while her ex-husband is building a financial cult in the shed and her teenage daughter's YouTube channel is gaining followers for all the wrong reasons. All Abi wants is to marry her one true love in the perfect wedding this Christmas, but the Internet - and Elle - appear to have other ideas.
Frances Graham has a colicky newborn, an absent husband and a Whatsapp Mother's Group that's giving her anxiety. But she's sure that if she can just be more like those fitmums on Instagram - do one more boot camp, one more juice cleanse - things can only get better. And surely, if she can get scrape enough money together to make it to Elle's retreat, everything in her life will be just...perfect.
Through a world of fake gurus, pretox parties, smug mummies and influencer angst, How to Be Perfect follows Elle, Abi and Frankie into the cult of self-improvement that's taken over your phone - and your breakfast.